  |
|
PC VIRUSES GOING AROUND
Mike Tyson Virus
quits after one byte
The Ellen Degeneres Virus
your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC
Titanic Virus
makes your whole computer go down
Disney Virus
everything in the computer goes Goofy
Prozac Virus
screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care
Kevorkian Virus
searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them
Oprah Winfrey Virus
your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly
expands to 300MB
AT&T Virus
every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting
MCI Virus
every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for
the AT&T Virus
WHO'S LOST IN SPACE ??
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He
reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further
and shouts:
"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says:
"Yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this
field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is
technically correct and yet it's of no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where
you're going, but you expect me to be able to help; and you're in the
same position as you were before we met, but now it's my fault.
TECHNOLOGY FOR COUNTRY FOLK...
1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.
2. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.
5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.
6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
8. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.
9. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
10. WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.
11. SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.
12. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.
13. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
14. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
15. MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.
16. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
17. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
18. KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys.
19. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs.
20. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
21. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
22. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine
23. ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all"
24. RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the
rifle when yore wife asks.
25. MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.
|
|
